quite ambitious.

Last night I was watching Lost and Bethany was in the room when a commercial came on. I was trying to do physics homework during the break when I heard, "As a woman, it's important to know what you want in life, and to go after it. And I know what I want."

At this point, I looked up at the television, and saw a well-dressed woman in a nicely decorated room. I was ready to hear her life's ambition when she looked straight at me and said, "I want my foundation to blend perfectly with my skin. And I've found that in..." as she held up a foundation bottle.

At that point, Bethany and I started laughing. Actually, it looked like some pretty cool foundation. But seriously, can you imagine, what you want in life being foundation that matches your skin tone?!?

Later on last night at cookies and milk time (we had to finish it before we left for break today) we were talking about the commercial and its superficiality. And then I realized...a lot of times I wish that my life's goal were something as simple as finding a matching foundation shade, because that'd be a lot easier than what I aim to do currently.

What do I want in life, really? I don't know specifics, but I know that it's full of complexity and uncertainty. I want to honor God, to love and be loved, and to be a good steward of everything I'm given.

Stewardship wouldn't be so difficult if I didn't have so much. I have worked hard for a lot of it, but honestly, I did nothing to deserve all that I have. These things are gifts, or talents. Those words imply that they are something given, not earned; they are something that is more entrusted to me than owned by me. Sometimes I don't want them and I wonder why I have what I do and wish that someone else could do this stuff.

Jesus once said that a lot will be required of people who are given a lot. That statement echoes in my head when I want to make Cs in all my classes, give up on finding a church, push other people away because they are not easy to get along with, or not follow through on all of my commitments. When passion fades and apathy sets in, that statement pushes me to finish what I've started and give my best.

I've been entrusted with much, and whether I want it or not, it's my responsibility to use all my time, energy, talent, and opportunity in ways that honor God and love others. It's a difficult task and I'll spend the rest of my life figuring out what that looks like, but I am confident that it will be worthwhile.

And it's spring break so I have a week to conquer the current burnout :)
yay.