It's been nice. I feel better. I needed time to reset, and now I'm back to sleeping normal hours, eating real food, and feeling a lot better about life. For the most part, I've ignored schoolwork. I might regret that here in a little bit since I have three tests, homework, and a program due next week, but for the moment it feels great. I'll probably take a chunk of time tomorrow to get some of that figured out.
Well, it's officially out now. Dr. Hodges is moving to Clemson this summer. That means I'll most likely be going to grad school there. I'm excited about it, I think. I'm a little hesitant to wholeheartedly commit because I'm not sure I want to begin grad school with such an established reputation. In some ways I want a completely new start. I think that being away this summer will help me settle what exactly I want to do.
Speaking of summer, still haven't heard back from anywhere. I applied to Microsoft, Virginia Tech, and Ithaca for research/internships. I'm thinking about applying to Google. And if none of that works out, I'll be living in West Virginia doing missions work. I'm not sure what I want to do yet if all of it works out.
In other news, Mom broke her ankle last week. I've tried to help her out this week, being home and all. I have a lot more respect for people who are caretakers of the sick/disabled now. I haven't had to do too much for Mom, but still, even simple things like going to the store become complicated when she can't drive or walk. Through a strange combination of factors, family stuff is weird right now. I hope it settles to some kind of normalcy soon.
Interesting stuff later, I promise.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
quite ambitious.
Last night I was watching Lost and Bethany was in the room when a commercial came on. I was trying to do physics homework during the break when I heard, "As a woman, it's important to know what you want in life, and to go after it. And I know what I want."
At this point, I looked up at the television, and saw a well-dressed woman in a nicely decorated room. I was ready to hear her life's ambition when she looked straight at me and said, "I want my foundation to blend perfectly with my skin. And I've found that in..." as she held up a foundation bottle.
At that point, Bethany and I started laughing. Actually, it looked like some pretty cool foundation. But seriously, can you imagine, what you want in life being foundation that matches your skin tone?!?
Later on last night at cookies and milk time (we had to finish it before we left for break today) we were talking about the commercial and its superficiality. And then I realized...a lot of times I wish that my life's goal were something as simple as finding a matching foundation shade, because that'd be a lot easier than what I aim to do currently.
What do I want in life, really? I don't know specifics, but I know that it's full of complexity and uncertainty. I want to honor God, to love and be loved, and to be a good steward of everything I'm given.
Stewardship wouldn't be so difficult if I didn't have so much. I have worked hard for a lot of it, but honestly, I did nothing to deserve all that I have. These things are gifts, or talents. Those words imply that they are something given, not earned; they are something that is more entrusted to me than owned by me. Sometimes I don't want them and I wonder why I have what I do and wish that someone else could do this stuff.
Jesus once said that a lot will be required of people who are given a lot. That statement echoes in my head when I want to make Cs in all my classes, give up on finding a church, push other people away because they are not easy to get along with, or not follow through on all of my commitments. When passion fades and apathy sets in, that statement pushes me to finish what I've started and give my best.
I've been entrusted with much, and whether I want it or not, it's my responsibility to use all my time, energy, talent, and opportunity in ways that honor God and love others. It's a difficult task and I'll spend the rest of my life figuring out what that looks like, but I am confident that it will be worthwhile.
And it's spring break so I have a week to conquer the current burnout :)
yay.
At this point, I looked up at the television, and saw a well-dressed woman in a nicely decorated room. I was ready to hear her life's ambition when she looked straight at me and said, "I want my foundation to blend perfectly with my skin. And I've found that in..." as she held up a foundation bottle.
At that point, Bethany and I started laughing. Actually, it looked like some pretty cool foundation. But seriously, can you imagine, what you want in life being foundation that matches your skin tone?!?
Later on last night at cookies and milk time (we had to finish it before we left for break today) we were talking about the commercial and its superficiality. And then I realized...a lot of times I wish that my life's goal were something as simple as finding a matching foundation shade, because that'd be a lot easier than what I aim to do currently.
What do I want in life, really? I don't know specifics, but I know that it's full of complexity and uncertainty. I want to honor God, to love and be loved, and to be a good steward of everything I'm given.
Stewardship wouldn't be so difficult if I didn't have so much. I have worked hard for a lot of it, but honestly, I did nothing to deserve all that I have. These things are gifts, or talents. Those words imply that they are something given, not earned; they are something that is more entrusted to me than owned by me. Sometimes I don't want them and I wonder why I have what I do and wish that someone else could do this stuff.
Jesus once said that a lot will be required of people who are given a lot. That statement echoes in my head when I want to make Cs in all my classes, give up on finding a church, push other people away because they are not easy to get along with, or not follow through on all of my commitments. When passion fades and apathy sets in, that statement pushes me to finish what I've started and give my best.
I've been entrusted with much, and whether I want it or not, it's my responsibility to use all my time, energy, talent, and opportunity in ways that honor God and love others. It's a difficult task and I'll spend the rest of my life figuring out what that looks like, but I am confident that it will be worthwhile.
And it's spring break so I have a week to conquer the current burnout :)
yay.
Monday, March 10, 2008
conspiracy theory
I think the coffee companies and the toothpaste companies are in it together.
Starbucks on every corner => coffee addiction
coffee addiction => stained teeth
stained teeth + Americans' obsession with appearance => need for whitening products.
I say this because it's been a coffee-dependent week. Usually I'm not a caffeine junkie, but for some reason for the past week all I've wanted to do is sleep, and there has been so much to accomplish.
Normal coffee consumption = 2 bags a semester, maybe
This week's coffee consumption = 1/2 bag since Wednesday.
And the worst part is that my teeth cannot be whitened. They are composite veneers, not my real teeth on the surface. I can't even use whitening toothpaste. Except ALL the toothpaste says "whitening" on it, because of our demand for white teeth. So I just go for the non-scratchy stuff. This month's flavor for me: "Kiss Me Mint." It's pink. And the name makes me laugh.
In other news, life's good.
Today I had piano repertoire class. I was very nervous about it, because Professor Austin wanted me to play. I said I would, and then there wasn't enough time for everyone to play, so I had an easy way out. I did not take it, though. I practiced hard last week and I need to get over my insecurity and learn to play for people. So I volunteered and I played. And I did well. It was not a perfect performance but it was good enough. Everyone was surprised; I could tell. Not that they were expecting me to do poorly, just that they had no idea who I was, what I was doing there, and how well I played. The professor even complimented me.
So...yay for earning the respect of my peers. And for gaining some confidence for myself. And for proving to myself that I can be disciplined enough to practice consistently and make progress on things. Piano is unlike all other things that I have tried in recent years. In math or computer science or anything else, you do something once and you're finished. Piano is different. It requires consistency, practice, maintenance, discipline--things I pretty much suck at most of the time. Piano lessons has shown me this weakness. I think it's getting better though. I'm working at it.
I got to see Emily this weekend. I forgot how much I miss her. I miss people like her and PJ and Kaci who see right through me and understand me completely most of the time. Oh, instability.
I also miss having a church family. I thought I had found the church to commit to for the rest of college, and then the pastor disappeared randomly. No explanation from anyone. He's teaching through Ezekiel for three months, and then all of the sudden he's nowhere to be found for the past month and no one has explained why. I have no idea what's going on, but that's not a good sign.
Enough of this. There's work to be done.
Starbucks on every corner => coffee addiction
coffee addiction => stained teeth
stained teeth + Americans' obsession with appearance => need for whitening products.
I say this because it's been a coffee-dependent week. Usually I'm not a caffeine junkie, but for some reason for the past week all I've wanted to do is sleep, and there has been so much to accomplish.
Normal coffee consumption = 2 bags a semester, maybe
This week's coffee consumption = 1/2 bag since Wednesday.
And the worst part is that my teeth cannot be whitened. They are composite veneers, not my real teeth on the surface. I can't even use whitening toothpaste. Except ALL the toothpaste says "whitening" on it, because of our demand for white teeth. So I just go for the non-scratchy stuff. This month's flavor for me: "Kiss Me Mint." It's pink. And the name makes me laugh.
In other news, life's good.
Today I had piano repertoire class. I was very nervous about it, because Professor Austin wanted me to play. I said I would, and then there wasn't enough time for everyone to play, so I had an easy way out. I did not take it, though. I practiced hard last week and I need to get over my insecurity and learn to play for people. So I volunteered and I played. And I did well. It was not a perfect performance but it was good enough. Everyone was surprised; I could tell. Not that they were expecting me to do poorly, just that they had no idea who I was, what I was doing there, and how well I played. The professor even complimented me.
So...yay for earning the respect of my peers. And for gaining some confidence for myself. And for proving to myself that I can be disciplined enough to practice consistently and make progress on things. Piano is unlike all other things that I have tried in recent years. In math or computer science or anything else, you do something once and you're finished. Piano is different. It requires consistency, practice, maintenance, discipline--things I pretty much suck at most of the time. Piano lessons has shown me this weakness. I think it's getting better though. I'm working at it.
I got to see Emily this weekend. I forgot how much I miss her. I miss people like her and PJ and Kaci who see right through me and understand me completely most of the time. Oh, instability.
I also miss having a church family. I thought I had found the church to commit to for the rest of college, and then the pastor disappeared randomly. No explanation from anyone. He's teaching through Ezekiel for three months, and then all of the sudden he's nowhere to be found for the past month and no one has explained why. I have no idea what's going on, but that's not a good sign.
Enough of this. There's work to be done.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
the other lauren elizabeths
Apparently my name is quite a popular one. I was trying to sign up for this as "laurenelizabeth" but that was taken. "lauren-elizabeth" was as well. That's why I ended up with two hyphens.
Because I am curious, here is a bit about the people who took my names of choice:
laurenelizabeth from september 2004:
well mi mom pickd me up frum amberz house @ lyk 10:15ish thiz morning b/c she had her parti last nite and wuz an absolute BLAST brandon and joey rosi were absolutely HILARIOUS!!! we had so much funn....then wen they left @ bout 12:00-12:15ish me amber and alexis all got on tha internet....
lauren-elizabeth from july 2004:
Howdy everybody! Its been a loooong day! but a fun day too! cuz i got to hang out with KATY! lol she spent the nite... then we woke up, watched 50 first dates, then went to the pool [and my face got buuurrrnnntt] lol! i saw alexa, alex, amy, christine, & maddi there! we also saw jacob pederson
So, if we were to make generalizations about Lauren Elizabeths, I guess we could say that they are probably high school/middle school age girls who have a few problems with grammar and spelling. They also write about two blog entries and forget about their blogs for at least four years at a time, write lists of who they have seen the previous day, and get spammy comments.
I guess I aim to break that trend. I am a college kid, and I will do my very best to write with correct grammar and spelling. If you're lucky, I'll post consistently and about things that other people might actually care about occasionally.
I keep a detailed written research journal but I plan on linking this one to my research webpage so that people can read about stuff here as well. We'll see where it goes though.
Because I am curious, here is a bit about the people who took my names of choice:
laurenelizabeth from september 2004:
well mi mom pickd me up frum amberz house @ lyk 10:15ish thiz morning b/c she had her parti last nite and wuz an absolute BLAST brandon and joey rosi were absolutely HILARIOUS!!! we had so much funn....then wen they left @ bout 12:00-12:15ish me amber and alexis all got on tha internet....
lauren-elizabeth from july 2004:
Howdy everybody! Its been a loooong day! but a fun day too! cuz i got to hang out with KATY! lol she spent the nite... then we woke up, watched 50 first dates, then went to the pool [and my face got buuurrrnnntt] lol! i saw alexa, alex, amy, christine, & maddi there! we also saw jacob pederson
So, if we were to make generalizations about Lauren Elizabeths, I guess we could say that they are probably high school/middle school age girls who have a few problems with grammar and spelling. They also write about two blog entries and forget about their blogs for at least four years at a time, write lists of who they have seen the previous day, and get spammy comments.
I guess I aim to break that trend. I am a college kid, and I will do my very best to write with correct grammar and spelling. If you're lucky, I'll post consistently and about things that other people might actually care about occasionally.
I keep a detailed written research journal but I plan on linking this one to my research webpage so that people can read about stuff here as well. We'll see where it goes though.
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