appropriate for a conference attendance blog post

i am for serious going to use this template one day.

I got rejected from the IBM summer internship I applied for today. It was a quick rejection (I submitted earlier this week), at least they didn't prolong things. Oh well, I mostly wanted to stay home and do nothing all summer anyhow :)

In other news, my family is going to Alaska this summer for a bit over a week to celebrate my parents' 25th anniversary. I'm sure it'll be beautiful and all, and I look forward to the time spent with them...but we're going to be traveling in an RV while we're there and I don't know how I feel about being in such close quarters with them. I guess I'll have to get over it because that's what it looks like we're doing. And I'm not going to whine about it because I know how important it is to my parents for us to do this together and to enjoy it.

Today's a snow day. When I came out of my software engineering meeting, there were already a couple inches of snow on my car. Jason, Andrew, and I had a short snowball fight, then I went back to the apartment. Patrick & I went out and walked in it, then Bethany, Patrick, & I made apple cider and watched an episode of House together. We found out class was cancelled. I called home to let Mom know, and was getting sad because both my sisters were home and I wasn't. Well, Dad came out and brought me home. So now I'm here, and happy to be here.

I'm having such a hard time with homesickness lately. I know it makes no sense; I'm 20 minutes away most of the time. But I'm just thinking about how much things change next year. I've signed my academic year and summer away for a graduate assistantship, and I'm realizing that this is for real. I don't really want to move forward and be as independent as I'll have to be. I like it here, and in a whole lot of ways I think I'd like it even better if I could just go back home and be 17 again or something. As hard as I try to see opportunities and be excited, I am more terrified than anything. But I'm working through it and I'm trusting that I'll be ready for things when they come.

All right, it's bedtime.

and...for Kristen.

Hm. Haven't for real posted since the new year. Well, a whole bunch is happened since then and I know I can't cover it all. So here's a list.

- celebrated New Year's day with Patrick's family/family friends, when I tried oysters for the first time
- went to Rhode Island with Jason, Chad, and Andrew to visit Brown University. We stayed at Dr. DeNoia's house and heard good fishing stories from her husband and ate their tasty food. (Thanks, Mr. & Dr. DeNoia!)
- came back to school, still dreading the semester and all the changes it would bring
- a dear friend's dad died, was heartbroken for him (still am). The snow day came the day after I found out. After he called me I couldn't do work that evening, just called my family and cried. The snow was wonderful, like a reprieve, gave me a little time to refocus and get some work done.
- played in the snow with Patrick, we built a snowman
- dealt with some crazy drama going on with my friends, I don't even want to talk about it
- made chili for my UNCC friends one Friday
- had the Bible study group down and made spaghetti for them one Sunday
- Patrick surprised me and took me to see Rent, where we met Samantha & Evan, some other friends, that was really sweet
- made sushi for the super bowl with the Bible study friends
- hosted ACM speaker last week, he was pretty cool
- did a whole bunch of schoolwork
- failed at making petits four for Valentine's day
- succeeded at making gluten-free cake (from a mix)
- went home to spend time with my family a couple times, I'm more homesick every time I go home
- submitted a paper to INTERACT with VT people
- got a paper accepted into ACMSE with UNCC people
- had a lovely first non-single Valentine's day
- got my assistantship and fellowship letters from Clemson
- bought my cap and gown
- Bubbles, my fish, got sick twice, but he's all better now

...uhh, there's probably more. I can't remember it all. It's detailed in other journals, I'm sure. Overall it's just been really busy and really intense. All this thinking towards the coming transition wears me out. Generally I'm a pretty even-keel kind of girl. I don't get upset that often, I cry only rarely, I ignore things instead of turning them into huge issues. This is just not so this semester. I'm a mess. I'll cry at the drop of a hat. I run miles to get out all the tension. I hide under the covers and in video games and behind computer monitors to delay dealing with the inevitable. I've recently realized that this is most likely a selfish and ineffective way of dealing with things, and it probably isn't good for me or for the people I care about. I'm working on it, I promise. Just too much transition at once and too many unknowns. I'm breaking it into little pieces and taking them as I can. I'm trying to do better.

So there's a brief summary. I'd like to be a bit more reflective but there is no time for that. I'm looking forward to this weekend, not because I get a break, but because it presents two solid, uninterrupted work days that I desperately need. Despite my greatest efforts, I am terribly behind in most everything. So, in lieu of a blog post during the next two or so weeks of my life, here's a list of what I will be doing:

- making a poster to present at SIGCSE
- presenting that poster at SIGCSE
- visiting Kevin, Emily, & Chloe in Knoxville
- submitting camera-ready version of my paper for ACMSE
- building a website for myself
- submitting an internship application to IBM
- practicing piano lots
- filling out bunches of SLC event reports
- assigning tasks to my SLC team and being their Junior Achievement contact
- planning and hosting ACM meetings
- planning & helping to host a Women in STEM lunch
- writing a paper for my religion class
- finishing implementation of my project for software engineering
- dealing with whatever other chaos that ensues; I'm sure there will be plenty of it

so there.
more later. probably much later.

from 22 words (twentytwowords.com)

A Valentine reminder for those in unlikely love.

February 14, 2009 at 7:23 am · Filed under Love, Quotes

Charity:

But marry you! How could we get married…?

Sid:

The question is not how we’d manage, it’s do you want to.

(Crossing to Safety, 82)

yeah, I know, nothing but reposts lately. I can't get through all my schoolwork long enough to sit and write.

speaking of schoolwork, I should be working on a study guide right now.

hahahaha.

from thisisindexed.com

I have important things to write about, but no time to do that. Maybe tomorrow?

i enjoyed this.

http://www.lifebeyondcode.com/2009/01/22/insights-from-steve-jobs/

a weightier blog post coming later this weekend; I have a whole lot to write about.

happy(?) new year

Usually I enter a new year with a little bit of regret but a whole lot of optimism. This year, I enter with not too much regret, but no optimism either. I know it's going to be a difficult year, and honestly, I'm not looking forward to dealing with it.

This year has been so intense. I've had some incredible opportunities and it's been a lot of fun, but there's been a lot of work and tears that's went into it too. I know that this new year holds a lot of change and I'm not looking forward to it. I will be deciding on grad schools, which will narrow my options for the next five years or so. I'll be graduating, which means that I'll be saying goodbye to a lot of my best friends. I will be moving away somewhere for grad school, which means adjusting to a life farther away from my family than I'm used to, and finding a new place to live, new friends, a new church, and all kinds of new responsibility. It's a really big life change, and it will affect everything from closest relationships to everyday routines. I know I can handle it. I don't doubt my capability because I've proven it to myself many times that I can grow where I'm planted. It's just not always fun to start over, especially when it's like right now and I feel content and settled. Classes are not fun, but besides that I live in a dream come true. I love where I live and what I do. I love my church very much, and it's taken me three years to find one where I'm happy. I have awesome friends, an incredible family, and a supportive boyfriend. I have everything I need and most everything I've ever wanted. It feels like I'm going to have to give most of that up in five months or so, and I'm not okay with that yet.

I am trying very hard to see this as an opportunity, because it is. Starting over is bittersweet. You leave a lot behind but at the same time it's awesome to be able to become whoever you want to be, with no reputation or expectations preceding you. I'm going to love making new friends. I hope to buy a house and I am going to be so happy to live in the same place for an extended period of time and not always be dragging things in and out of boxes. I want to play an intramural sport (need to learn how to play something first) and to be involved in the community where I live. And of course, with grad school, I get to invest a lot more time and thought into the research that I'm passionate about, so that'll be awesome. I have all these pictures in my head of a very happy grad school Lauren. I wear my glasses a lot more, and I spend a lot of time doing research but I'm also doing a lot of other things I enjoy. I have a house with a kitchen that is painted green and has enough counter space and cabinet space for me to actually work in. My house is big enough to host dinner parties in. There's a back porch, and I've planted a summer garden. I run in the mornings, work hard during the day, and spend time doing what I want to in the evenings. I play piano because I want to, I have people over for dinner, I spend all kinds of time outside. Yeah, I know it may not turn out this way, but that's the picture that's in my head and it makes me happy.

So anyhow. I'll begin this year both excited and afraid. I know God is sovereign and that he works things together for my good. It will be difficult to start over but well worth it in the end. Between now and then I'm going to try to be fairly short-sighted. There are some things I have to think about well in advance, but I'm going to delay dealing with other difficult matters until later because I'm just not ready to address them now.

Happy new year, everyone :) I hope it holds a lot of growth and opportunity for you!